tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63199268844296793552024-03-12T20:36:19.986-05:00Forty Pound SackForty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.comBlogger645125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-59354888638132082462017-04-09T16:37:00.001-05:002017-04-09T16:37:53.807-05:00Sparkety Spark Spark SparkIn my quest to feel like "me" again, I have been reevaluating my home, my habits, and myself. Walker left a mess when he moved out, which I literally closed the door on, thinking I would get to it when winter rolled around and forced me indoors. That never happened. So, first order of business is cleaning up the debris left when an eleven year relationship ends.<br />
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However, that is not fun work and, quite frankly, I have had trouble staying motivated to do it. So I promised myself a reward and gave myself til fall to finish the task. The reward? A week at the beach. I love the beach, always have. I have not dipped a toe in the ocean since just after I finished cancer treatment in 2010. It's time.<br />
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But my habits and my health have been pretty low on the priority list lately, so I needed to attend to that, too. What good is a fabulous beach vacation if I am too tired and too run down to enjoy it? With that in mind, I dusted off my old SparkPeople account and got to work tracking my daily intake of food and water, as well as my exercise and how much sleep I am getting. I know the trend is FitBit inspired these days, but I am familiar with SparkPeople, I enjoy the camaraderie of the other members' support, and it is TOTALLY FREE!! More money in the bank for the beach!! My little yoga girl at the top of my blog has been updated. Sadly, she moved backward from her old spot but hey, she knows the way to the finish line. All I have to do is push her there. Wish me luck!!Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-22434766841896904482017-03-08T01:52:00.000-06:002017-03-08T01:52:21.982-06:00Blossoms and Ice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's not uncommon, in the Midwest, for this time of year to feel as if Mother Nature is possessed by some evil bipolar gremlin. After spending a weekend outside in sunshine and 60 degree temps we often wake to a Monday morning snowfall of several inches. This year, the worst of all demons has been at play: ice.<br />
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My mother will be 80 this year, and spent most of 2016 recovering from knee replacements in both legs. She has been cooped up more often than not by ice storm after ice storm. The first one was sandwiched in between snow and rain, making the resulting ice field several inches thick, everywhere. There is just no good way to clear that. Shovels simply don't work. Salt works, if you use enough of it, but it takes time. Days, in fact, when the ice is that thick. And it is hard on animals and cars and concrete and lawns when the residue gets plowed up with the next snowfall. So our town more or less shut down until an unexpected January thaw melted everything away. Until it happened again. And again. <br />
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-879449045869473912017-02-20T01:29:00.000-06:002017-02-20T01:34:47.125-06:00I Get By With a Little Help from My FriendsSo how, exactly, does one climb out of a pit of grief? Well, by leaning on those who love me, for one thing. A few months after I lost my sweetheart, sick of feeling lost, I decided to reboot my brain. I thought the best way to do that was to go somewhere I had never been, with people I had never met, to do something I had never done. With that goal in mind, I flew to Pennsylvania to meet up with some online friends and participate in a mud run. Yep. Me. <br />
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While I throughly enjoyed my weekend out East, I knew it was just a first step. Pretty much as soon as I got home I started thinking of another adventure. And a few months later, I reconnected with two childhood best friends, girls I had not seen in thirty-two years.<br />
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It's a never ending battle, this grief stuff. There was a time I thought it would never get better. But every day I find new reasons to smile, and every day I take time to think about the things in my life I am thankful for. I don't know what the next chapters of my life will read, but I do know there is nowhere in the text that will say....she gave up......<br />
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-88668583577026384122017-02-14T02:00:00.002-06:002017-02-14T02:00:41.134-06:00And.....She's BackWow, almost three years......not intentional. Shortly after that last post, a summer storm blew that nest out of the tree in my sister's front yard. She found the nest and the babies and put them back in the tree, but the momma robin never returned. I guess it's possible, the nest my sister found wasn't the same one. Or maybe momma robin got hurt in that same storm. Who knows. Watching that nest and knowing the babies would die if momma didn't come back was pretty heartbreaking. Shortly after that my life followed suit and blew apart, too.<br />
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Walker and I decided, after 11 years together, that we were better off going our separate ways. Had we just done that and moved forward it might have been okay, but you know, life doesn't always fit together in a pretty package like that. It took Walker eight months to find a new home. Our "amicable split" became less so as the months dragged on. Right around the time he found what would become his new home, I met a new man. I can honestly say I have never "clicked" with anyone, ever, as immediately and completely as I did with this man. Despite this, I told him straight up I couldn't date him until Walker had finished moving out. So for the next two months, we got to know each other the new fashioned way, through text messaging. And every so often, we would meet for ice cream. It was the sweetest, slowest, not quite dating relationship I had ever had. When Walker closed on his house and moved out, we were finally able to be a real couple. And for four more months, things were just about perfect. And then, on a cold, sunny Sunday morning, he died.<br />
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I have lost people I loved before, but I don't think I could have imagined anything quite and cruel and devastating as finally finding the person you believe you are meant to be with, only to lose them almost that fast. I spent the next several weeks in a fog, barely sleeping, not eating, not even sure how I was able to function. I know I scared my mom, and probably some of my other family and friends, too. I lost so much weight my doctor ran a bunch of tests while I angrily insisted I was just fine, dammit. The anger was the biggest surprise. I never knew I was capable of so much anger. I am lucky that in those dark days, I kept myself together enough to go to work, pay my bills, and keep myself out of any serious trouble. To this day I'm not quite sure how I managed. <br />
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And now, two years after that heartbreak......well, as the woman who should have been my mother in law always says, "My dear, we must accept what has been put on our plate and make the best of things." A lot of grace from a woman who lost her only son, then her husband of over sixty years a few months later. I am grateful for her presence in my life every day. But still some days are harder than others. Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-18082142863688791222014-05-09T03:37:00.002-05:002014-05-09T03:37:21.327-05:00Babies!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My sister took this photo yesterday, after she saw Mama Robin shoot out for some food. It's hard to tell from this photo, but there are at least two babies here. There may be one more baby, or that egg that fell out of the nest may have been a dud and removed by Mama. The last egg will likely hatch today, or not at all. We're doing our best not to disturb Mama, so who knows when we'll find out. I know when the babies get just a bit bigger, they'll all spend the days stretch up with hungry, open mouths, just like Big Brother here. Mama will spend a lot more time tracking down food for them, and we should be able to get a better look at the babies. Stay tuned......</div>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-38442098832174535262014-05-04T10:52:00.001-05:002014-05-04T10:52:26.533-05:00Another Sign of Spring<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Look what I found in my sister's tree:</div>
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The best part is, from the front window of my sister's house, you get a great view of the nest. It's through a screen, of course, so not great for photos but we'll be able to watch the babies grow. We're hoping all the eggs hatch, but we had some severe weather last week and the nest was knocked sideways. One of the eggs fell out, and my sister had to put it back in. She knew it wasn't out for long, but.....guess we'll see in a couple more days. </div>
Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-19572755950680485432014-03-30T16:08:00.002-05:002014-03-30T16:08:53.627-05:00Welcome Spring<div style="text-align: center;">
The first flash of color in my garden this year ~ </div>
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Welcome, Spring!</div>
Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-48324916381707422492014-03-10T04:36:00.003-05:002014-03-10T04:36:46.991-05:00Blah, Blah, Blah.....So who here is sick of winter? ME, TOO!! I've lived in the Midwest most of my life, and typically, I don't mind winter. There's a peacefulness that comes with a heavy snowfall, a comfort that comes from being snug indoors under my favorite blanket with a good book. This year, things were different. High winds, extreme cold, not much snow. When temps get too low, the only way to ensure your car will start when you need it is to run it for twenty or thirty minutes every few hours. All night long, all day long. Dog sitting was another adventure. It has been so cold, the dogs don't even want to go out to potty, and it's just plain dangerous to walk them. So my little puppy niece, Lily, has been getting into the kind of mischief dogs get into when they get bored: shredding socks, tearing around the house, pestering her big sister.....<br />
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We didn't get a lot of snow this year, but we did have a couple small storms that dropped a couple inches at a time last week. Unfortunately, we also had an ice storm, and that one was first. So our streets are a mess of thick ice, rutted and covered with snow. Over the weekend, the sun stayed hidden but the temps rose enough that the mess finally started melting. That's the good news. The bad news is, with all the ruts in the ice, the melt wasn't moving. So we got out shovels and choppers and started chipping out ditches to the storm sewers, trying to drain flooded streets. We're expecting one more warm day, and I'm hoping most of this water will be gone, or it will refreeze into another patch of ice come Tuesday.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walker and my sister, hard at work ~</td></tr>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-26802819374124964072014-02-21T03:37:00.001-06:002014-02-21T03:37:15.442-06:00'Bout Sums It Up ~<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ulHdtOzjTOo/UwceKv0emgI/AAAAAAAADHU/5EzKbO1k1UE/s1600/snow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ulHdtOzjTOo/UwceKv0emgI/AAAAAAAADHU/5EzKbO1k1UE/s1600/snow.jpg" height="264" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-71197706160456336292014-01-01T18:23:00.001-06:002014-01-01T18:23:10.262-06:00I'm Sorry, Yoga Girl ~With the arrival of the new year, it's time to have a conversation with the little yoga girl at the top of my blog. I let her down this year. My original goal was to lose just about 40 pounds. I crossed the halfway point months ago, though those last couple pounds were pretty stubborn. Then I held steady through the summer and into fall. I was okay with that. Yeah, I would have liked to have done better but I was dealing with <a href="http://fortypoundsack.blogspot.com/2013/09/reality.html">some other issues </a>at the time, and I was glad to just maintain.<br />
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Then along came the kitchen remodel, with lots of stops and starts. I had to pack up a lot of what was in the cupboards in August, but we still had use of the fridge and stove. In October, when the workers could focus on my kitchen full time, we lost the stove. I stocked up on Cheerios and fruit and frozen dinners (I moved the microwave into the dining room) but we also ended up going through a drive thru just about every day. Sometimes, more than once. The treadmill and the Pilates machine are in the basement, and getting to them during the remodel meant maneuvering through workers, and materials, and tools, trying not to get in the way. So I just didn't. By the time the kitchen was finished it was the holidays and I had gained back nine pounds. I didn't bake any Christmas cookies, but I did make some cashew brittle for Walker's mom, and some English toffee for Walker. And of course, friends and neighbors dropped off lots of cookies and treats. <br />
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So here we are, on the first day of 2014, and my net for 2013 was a loss of about seven and a half pounds. Sigh. I tell myself that at least it's a loss, it could be a lot worse, but....damn. I worked so hard, with so little to show for it. But: the fight isn't over. I have reset the little yoga girl, and this time, she's gonna slide across the finish line. Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-17566412647570024622013-12-29T05:23:00.000-06:002013-12-29T05:23:09.615-06:00Family Christmas ~<div style="text-align: center;">
Santa brought me a wonderful gift, a couple days before Christmas. My sister and her boys zipped into town as a holiday surprise. My sister had to leave the day after Christmas, but they boys are staying until New Year's. I have my nephews, staying in my house, for a whole week. They are growing up so fast, and I know they time they'll want to spend here is limited, so I cherish every moment. </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0kaHtH-Mvyc/UsACZN1TRkI/AAAAAAAADBw/OjTCNZ23jUU/s1600/_MG_0064.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0kaHtH-Mvyc/UsACZN1TRkI/AAAAAAAADBw/OjTCNZ23jUU/s320/_MG_0064.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The last time we had all the kids together was eight years ago. I bought them all new shirts and took them to Sears for a portrait. The colors of their shirts indicate which kids are siblings.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qmLV12S6pE8/UsACSvpvU8I/AAAAAAAADBU/cfudSExmzSY/s1600/Scan.bmp-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qmLV12S6pE8/UsACSvpvU8I/AAAAAAAADBU/cfudSExmzSY/s320/Scan.bmp-001.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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Here they are now, in the same places. My babies aren't babies anymore. My sister took these photos, along with group photos of the siblings. I loaded them onto a digital photo frame for my mom's Christmas gift. I added some of my siblings and me when we were little, and some favorites from over the years. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MOrwHVB3h48/UsACbBSlXiI/AAAAAAAADB4/P9YRyYq0Zf4/s1600/_MG_0075.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MOrwHVB3h48/UsACbBSlXiI/AAAAAAAADB4/P9YRyYq0Zf4/s320/_MG_0075.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here's one from about 1971. I'm in the red dress. This one went on my mom's digital frame.</div>
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After our photo shoot, I served lasagna to everyone. It was so much fun, I did it again Christmas morning, whipping up brunch with Walker's help. Walker had to work Christmas night, so we decided brunch would work better than a dinner later in the day. Since I'm not a morning person, I added a little motivation to my OJ - it's spiked with champagne. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MPU-n29P7J0/UsACQ8-7pCI/AAAAAAAADBQ/ddzdPGrWKRM/s1600/IMG_5009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MPU-n29P7J0/UsACQ8-7pCI/AAAAAAAADBQ/ddzdPGrWKRM/s320/IMG_5009.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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And now, to ensure my nephews stay with me the next time they're in town, I whipped up some chocolate croissants. Okay, I baked frozen croissant dough I bought from QVC. But they're so delicious, nobody cares that they aren't made from scratch. </div>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-5976789778860492013-12-28T08:26:00.000-06:002013-12-28T08:26:09.066-06:00Bet You Thought It Would Never Happen ~<div style="text-align: center;">
Ta-Dah!!! The kitchen is done. Really! Look - I'll show you! </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, yeah! A dishwasher that actually works!!! There are two faucets at the sink: a regular one, and a filtered one for drinking water that is not hooked up to the water softener.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UB6ydOSCCQ/Ur7eKXXbIpI/AAAAAAAADAQ/9p9g7t18w9o/s1600/two.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UB6ydOSCCQ/Ur7eKXXbIpI/AAAAAAAADAQ/9p9g7t18w9o/s320/two.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is Walker's coffee bar ~</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pO-je70D9AA/Ur7eZOhFzJI/AAAAAAAADAk/f8oR10poPjk/s1600/four.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pO-je70D9AA/Ur7eZOhFzJI/AAAAAAAADAk/f8oR10poPjk/s320/four.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still looking for curtains, but that's it! That's all I have left to do ~</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tQ5JlyVDzvU/Ur7eKSwVzlI/AAAAAAAADAg/F8LQ-2ebMe0/s1600/three.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tQ5JlyVDzvU/Ur7eKSwVzlI/AAAAAAAADAg/F8LQ-2ebMe0/s320/three.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'd love a table & chairs in dark wood like the cabinets, but, these will do just fine ~</td></tr>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-33924947807982283562013-12-25T02:15:00.003-06:002013-12-25T02:15:51.744-06:00From My Home to Yours ~I'm still here, and I have lots to tell y'all! Not today, but soon, I promise. Today I'll just wish a very Merry Christmas to each and every one of y'all. I hope your holiday is filled with peace, joy, laughter, and love. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pCrqQjelIdw/UrqT8yZHcKI/AAAAAAAAC_8/ydb2FuozmXA/s1600/IMG_4628.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pCrqQjelIdw/UrqT8yZHcKI/AAAAAAAAC_8/ydb2FuozmXA/s320/IMG_4628.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Merry Christmas!!</span></span></td></tr>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-3964492609424069942013-11-28T06:48:00.001-06:002013-11-28T06:48:39.784-06:00Happy Thanksgiving!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_h2V7y3H7Vc/Upc7iEh2WPI/AAAAAAAAC_s/2g8eWaj4NI8/s1600/happy+thanksgiving!.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_h2V7y3H7Vc/Upc7iEh2WPI/AAAAAAAAC_s/2g8eWaj4NI8/s320/happy+thanksgiving!.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-7690594191639136862013-11-22T05:59:00.003-06:002013-11-22T05:59:34.118-06:00Not Quite Done, But.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VDrWtrO1Qm0/Uo9GaOHYIhI/AAAAAAAAC_Y/33zqzBwlN1I/s1600/IMG_4566.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VDrWtrO1Qm0/Uo9GaOHYIhI/AAAAAAAAC_Y/33zqzBwlN1I/s320/IMG_4566.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-23559114768722629242013-11-13T06:10:00.003-06:002013-11-13T06:10:35.640-06:00Remodel Update<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
I keep thinking that in a couple more days, I’ll be able to post the final “after” shots of my remodeled kitchen. I’ve been thinking that for a while now. It ain’t happening. There’s work being done, slowly. The weather has caused some delays, because one of the things I’m having installed is new windows. We had rain for just about a solid week. Not only did the rain impede the new windows going in, it added to the drying time on the drywall mud. There are delays off site, too. The cabinets I picked out at the end of September, the ones that were supposed to take two weeks to come in, are still not here. And they won’t be, until sometime next week. Hopefully Monday, but that remains to be seen. Back in August, we hired an electrician to put in new lights and start the rough-in for some new outlets. He was paid for the work that was done at that time, and we told him we’d let him know when the old cabinets came out so he could finish his part. Well, the cabinets are supposed to come out tomorrow, and I have contacted him and left messages, but haven’t heard back. So the carpenters might end up waiting on him. That remains to be seen as well. Meanwhile, Walker and I are relying on frozen dinners, frozen breakfast, and in my case, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and yogurt. I was buying fruit, thinking that was a good way to get something healthy that doesn’t need to be cooked and won’t make any dirty dishes. Then, when the drywall dust started flying, I realized we’d have to wash the fruit in the bathroom sink, and, well, that just skeeves me out. So I quit buying fruit. We eat from paper plates with plastic utensils and drink from red Solo cups. At first, one of us would start singing when the cups came out. That got old a while ago. And all that plastic going into the trash each day must have my extremely eco-friendly father rolling in his grave. Well, he doesn’t actually <i>have</i> a grave, since we cremated him and scattered his ashes on a very windy day in a park that was technically not open to the public. Hey, we left without complaint when the police showed up. But I digress…..</div>
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So anyway, though there isn’t much change since the last batch of photos, here’s where we’re at with the kitchen remodel:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pIYqAkDJUdE/UoNq5Y3op-I/AAAAAAAAC-Q/w2Zv1uo15S4/s1600/IMG_2731.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pIYqAkDJUdE/UoNq5Y3op-I/AAAAAAAAC-Q/w2Zv1uo15S4/s320/IMG_2731.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before......</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Goc0o7Y81JU/UoNq3XUrP1I/AAAAAAAAC-I/S4R-ztfPRsw/s1600/IMG_2732.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Goc0o7Y81JU/UoNq3XUrP1I/AAAAAAAAC-I/S4R-ztfPRsw/s320/IMG_2732.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">more before......</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ItwxMLcqPwo/UoNq5hBfDpI/AAAAAAAAC-U/YFqnVz0iAVA/s1600/IMG_4538.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ItwxMLcqPwo/UoNq5hBfDpI/AAAAAAAAC-U/YFqnVz0iAVA/s320/IMG_4538.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guess I never took "before" photos of the breakfast nook, but here it is today. New windows, new paint. Those plants don't live there, but their home is currently filled with boxes of kitchen utensils and bake ware.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kb_TvFFmKoE/UoNrBa6SKKI/AAAAAAAAC-g/D3N0XzF2FKY/s1600/IMG_4539.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kb_TvFFmKoE/UoNrBa6SKKI/AAAAAAAAC-g/D3N0XzF2FKY/s320/IMG_4539.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I painted around the corner of this wall, but ran out of paint so I stopped until the rest of the cabinets come out. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5cfWewjij0I/UoNrGPOAG-I/AAAAAAAAC-s/EsPTZbZzUiw/s1600/IMG_4540.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5cfWewjij0I/UoNrGPOAG-I/AAAAAAAAC-s/EsPTZbZzUiw/s320/IMG_4540.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hard to tell from this photo, but the new wall color is a soft plum shade. Very pretty!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W2ij0l7oelc/UoNrFUaOkZI/AAAAAAAAC-o/w9E-W9HiF0w/s1600/IMG_4541.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W2ij0l7oelc/UoNrFUaOkZI/AAAAAAAAC-o/w9E-W9HiF0w/s320/IMG_4541.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what I've been looking at for WEEKS now. :(</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ILWTxz6_bIw/UoNrIFnlUfI/AAAAAAAAC-4/9v6USCjjb7M/s1600/IMG_4544.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ILWTxz6_bIw/UoNrIFnlUfI/AAAAAAAAC-4/9v6USCjjb7M/s320/IMG_4544.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The rest of the cabinets are supposed to come out today. That means we lose the sink and this room is totally useless until it's finished from that point on.</td></tr>
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Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-4497893979608786582013-10-31T08:52:00.002-05:002013-10-31T08:52:12.569-05:00Happy Halloween!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PKBBjRF68EE/UnJgdcc6-TI/AAAAAAAAC94/qolMHnJv7Sg/s1600/IMG_4417.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PKBBjRF68EE/UnJgdcc6-TI/AAAAAAAAC94/qolMHnJv7Sg/s320/IMG_4417.JPG" width="253" /></a></div>
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-32693365470214621562013-10-13T00:34:00.000-05:002013-10-13T00:34:00.468-05:00A Little Fall Color, for Jon ~<div style="text-align: center;">
I can't bring autumn to west Texas, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but I can share a little of our </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Upper Mississippi Valley color. Enjoy ~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OB710mbuBd4/UlkkLYfqxfI/AAAAAAAAC8k/zjie3nqjPi4/s1600/IMG_8055.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OB710mbuBd4/UlkkLYfqxfI/AAAAAAAAC8k/zjie3nqjPi4/s320/IMG_8055.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XfnUUm8LPTA/UlkkRa_ROjI/AAAAAAAAC8s/knVNc-h7Sak/s1600/IMG_8064.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XfnUUm8LPTA/UlkkRa_ROjI/AAAAAAAAC8s/knVNc-h7Sak/s320/IMG_8064.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R0554Uz_2G8/UlkkZ3r5jbI/AAAAAAAAC80/urLzPVM-Fdo/s1600/IMG_9885.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-R0554Uz_2G8/UlkkZ3r5jbI/AAAAAAAAC80/urLzPVM-Fdo/s320/IMG_9885.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lKtV5Yz2RUM/UlkkkGNzpCI/AAAAAAAAC9E/7UkFGYnueOs/s1600/IMG_9891.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lKtV5Yz2RUM/UlkkkGNzpCI/AAAAAAAAC9E/7UkFGYnueOs/s320/IMG_9891.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Hmjwfr_hdE/Ulkkk7XGzFI/AAAAAAAAC9M/2F-RrhN_7R0/s1600/IMG_9903.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Hmjwfr_hdE/Ulkkk7XGzFI/AAAAAAAAC9M/2F-RrhN_7R0/s320/IMG_9903.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-47756753852436826562013-10-12T05:08:00.001-05:002013-10-12T05:08:00.183-05:00Two of My Favorite Girls <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fniVTQ6DLnA/UlkfWPW8yGI/AAAAAAAAC8U/KLkRGrhmec0/s1600/IMG_3632.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fniVTQ6DLnA/UlkfWPW8yGI/AAAAAAAAC8U/KLkRGrhmec0/s400/IMG_3632.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Miss Diva and Miss Lily ~</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-58994971401902317112013-10-04T06:35:00.000-05:002013-10-04T06:35:47.968-05:00An Update for Lucy There isn't any work going on in my kitchen yet, since the electrician finished installing new lights. The carpenters were scheduled to start in August, but then they had something come up, so we're on hold until the end of this month. We had the option of using another carpenter, but we like these guys so we decided to wait. In the meantime, I did some shopping. Here's a peek at what I picked out:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cbk2o7NIvzU/Uk6m3QwqVwI/AAAAAAAAC8A/hSo0EHGt0Us/s1600/IMG_3603.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cbk2o7NIvzU/Uk6m3QwqVwI/AAAAAAAAC8A/hSo0EHGt0Us/s400/IMG_3603.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
The big beige rectangle is a flooring sample. The little one next to it is the counter top laminate. The walls will probably be beige, and the curtains will be purple. I think. I haven't found any that I like yet. There will also be a tile back splash. I was going to use glass tile, but I think that's too trendy. I don't want it to look dated in a couple years, so I'm trying to be a little more "classic". The background for this photo is a cabinet door. They look darker in reality than in the photo. I'm really, really bad at picturing what all the components will look like when everything is installed. Hopefully, I'll love it when it's done, cause I don't ever want to do this again. Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-10614079126779541322013-10-02T06:41:00.002-05:002013-10-02T06:48:26.847-05:00A Friendly Reminder<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7WkdCpHR3Lo/UkwH16R5A1I/AAAAAAAAC7w/FLfO5pfsbK0/s1600/profile1-002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7WkdCpHR3Lo/UkwH16R5A1I/AAAAAAAAC7w/FLfO5pfsbK0/s400/profile1-002.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ladies, if you haven't done so this year, please get your mammogram ~</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-36010387606678348252013-09-18T06:09:00.000-05:002013-09-18T06:09:06.914-05:00If It Ain't Broke.....<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
There seems to be a growing trend in the snack
world, and I, for one, wish it would stop. I’m referring to ‘seasonal’
flavors. The worst variant of this, in my opinion, is seasonal flavors
of seasonal treats. Case in point: <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-brHnp0wXy-I/UjmIqU3cpII/AAAAAAAAC7I/2YZahBaEL0s/s1600/DSCN2985.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a> </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-brHnp0wXy-I/UjmIqU3cpII/AAAAAAAAC7I/2YZahBaEL0s/s1600/DSCN2985.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-brHnp0wXy-I/UjmIqU3cpII/AAAAAAAAC7I/2YZahBaEL0s/s320/DSCN2985.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
candy
corn disguised as s’mores.</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Who doesn’t love candy corn? It’s always been
one of my favorite fall treats, sometimes mixed with peanuts for a
sweet/salty taste, but just as good straight from the bag. So why mess
it up? Now, I didn’t care for the s’mores flavor
of these, so right there it’s got a strike. It didn’t taste like
s’mores at all. There wasn’t even a hint of chocolate flavor, so that’s
another strike. Why bother changing the flavor of something if you
can’t get it right? Not to mention: to me, s’mores
is a campfire treat, and camping is a summer activity. Yet these
babies didn’t hit the shelves, here at least, until September. So again, I ask: why bother?</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Now, s’mores is not the only “new” variety of candy corn available this fall. This one was also offered:<br />
</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ukmzP5QL7HA/UjmIqTwDUkI/AAAAAAAAC68/00QiwRz3d-E/s1600/DSCN2991.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ukmzP5QL7HA/UjmIqTwDUkI/AAAAAAAAC68/00QiwRz3d-E/s320/DSCN2991.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
The flavor of these was good, but again, not all that “pumpkin-y” to
me. I thought they tasted a lot like a molasses cookie. Which brings
me to my next point: okay, these taste good, but if I’m craving pumpkin
(or molasses cookie, for that matter) wouldn’t
it make more sense to just get a pumpkin treat? There is no shortage
of pumpkin flavored bakery this time of year. Muffins, cookies, bars
with rich cream cheese frosting…..so really, why would I buy fake
pumpkin flavored candy when I could have a real pumpkin
treat?</div>
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
The candy corn division at Brach’s is not alone
in their quest to screw up perfectly good candy. M&M’s and
Hershey’s Kisses have been offered in seasonal flavors for a couple
years now. When I see them, I buy a bag to bring into the
office so we can try it and complain about how we really wish the candy
companies would just leave well enough alone. I have yet to find a
seasonal variety that is really, really delicious. Which is probably a
good thing, because most of these are a “one
and done” offering, meaning, next year they’ll be replaced with a
different variety.</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Now, chips are a whole ‘nother story. I don’t
buy a lot of chips, but a couple years ago Dortios came out with a
cheeseburger flavor that I brought home for Walker. I made the mistake
of trying one, and, omg, it was nummy! Tasted JUST
LIKE a Big Mac, right down to the hint of pickle. I think I ate most
of that bag, and bought several more before the “limited time only” ran
out. I really wish they would bring those back, but it’s probably
better for me if they don’t. These, on the other hand, are just icky:</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CPhiHVgcY0U/UjmIqc68SwI/AAAAAAAAC7A/jNhklSqbJNg/s1600/DSCN2989.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CPhiHVgcY0U/UjmIqc68SwI/AAAAAAAAC7A/jNhklSqbJNg/s320/DSCN2989.JPG" width="243" /></a></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The real kicker, though, is the Oreos.
Apparently, the Oreo folks caught wind of the candy corn situation, and
decided to offer up their own solution:</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B6YMgP1g4sA/UjmIs0s4k2I/AAAAAAAAC7U/VLHpMRpB9x4/s1600/DSCN2996.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B6YMgP1g4sA/UjmIs0s4k2I/AAAAAAAAC7U/VLHpMRpB9x4/s320/DSCN2996.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Sigh......</div>
Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-14456744183416893332013-09-16T05:29:00.000-05:002013-09-16T05:29:20.371-05:00Ask and You Shall Receive ~<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2V7-Zn8J610/Ujbck6FaFyI/AAAAAAAAC6c/SEMRtuYc-OU/s1600/IMG_3404.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7EF46F5Kps4/Ujbc4XKRtLI/AAAAAAAAC6k/pg3twXUpzaI/s1600/IMG_3403.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7EF46F5Kps4/Ujbc4XKRtLI/AAAAAAAAC6k/pg3twXUpzaI/s320/IMG_3403.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<span class="userContent"> </span><br />
<span class="userContent">I'm teaching Diva how to use my camera. She was wandering around the yard taking photos here and there. Eventually, she snapped a couple of the flag,
but there was no wind so in the photos, it's just kind of hanging there. I told her, "Ask
Grampa Al in Heaven to send you a breeze so the flag o<span class="text_exposed_show">pens
up," but she gave me the stink eye so I asked him myself. Immediately, the
wind picked up, the flag opened, Diva's eyes got big, she ran over there and - ta dah!
She got her shot. Grampa always did enjoy flying the flag ~</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qnm9GzfIXfs/Ujbc4RT3z7I/AAAAAAAAC6s/icixCcv912I/s1600/IMG_3427.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qnm9GzfIXfs/Ujbc4RT3z7I/AAAAAAAAC6s/icixCcv912I/s320/IMG_3427.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-18729443867598760732013-09-13T05:22:00.001-05:002013-09-13T05:22:25.499-05:00In Other News....<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
First, THANK YOU, all, for your support and words of encouragement. It means more than you can know. That last post was tough to write, tougher still to publish, but I'm glad I did. Thank you, thank you. I feel better when I stick to a routine, so I'm going to try to post more regularly. On that note.....</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
I decided, back in May, to remodel my kitchen.
It’s not horrible but the dishwasher is on its last legs, and it’s a
smaller-than-standard model with no room to install a bigger one. Plus
the veneer is coming loose on some of the cabinetry,
and the counter top is warped over the stove. There are a few other
issues, too. Little things, but lots of little things, so it was time.
</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
I contacted my carpenters, the team who did the
updates in my living room last year, and they stopped over to take
measurements and discuss what I wanted to change. A couple days later,
they sent me a computer generated image of what we
discussed, and I gave the go-ahead to get started. The first step was
to have new light fixtures installed by an electrician, and that turned
out to be a royal pain in the butt.
</div>
<br /><div class="ecxMsoNormal">
It cheeses me more than I can say to make an
appointment with someone, only to have them stand me up. No phone call,
nothing. If you don’t want my business, just say so, and we can both
move on. But they don’t do that. Around here,
it’s a problem with all the trades, not just electricians. Plumbers
have been even worse. Compound that with the fact that I work nights,
and often have to set my alarm to get up after very little sleep to keep
these appointments, and you can imagine how
irritated I get when it turns into a no-show.</div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
I let the carpenters know that they would have
to bump us down on their schedule, and kept trying. Finally, at the end
of July, I got ahold of a reputable electrician who happened to have a
small window in his schedule, just long enough
to install some lights and add a couple wall outlets. While he was
taking care of that, I went to a supply place and chose my cabinets and
flooring – on sale, no less! Then I started packing up, so as soon as
the cabinets came in the carpenters could get
to work. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. When we bumped the
carpenters, they started a job that turned out to be a lot more
involved than originally anticipated. It’s looking like they won’t be
able to get to us until the last week in October. Meanwhile,
my kitchen now looks like this: </div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-teU5_X4olgo/UjLm63rXwmI/AAAAAAAAC1s/0C9VHPkPq3I/s1600/IMG_3313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-teU5_X4olgo/UjLm63rXwmI/AAAAAAAAC1s/0C9VHPkPq3I/s320/IMG_3313.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holes in the ceiling ~</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-37XdU4PxiDw/UjLm64RBgZI/AAAAAAAAC1o/tUxeOcN8NT8/s1600/IMG_3314.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-37XdU4PxiDw/UjLm64RBgZI/AAAAAAAAC1o/tUxeOcN8NT8/s320/IMG_3314.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holes in the walls. Sigh.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6319926884429679355.post-64769307326948994272013-09-09T04:16:00.002-05:002013-09-09T04:16:53.572-05:00RealitySo here it is....the entry I never wanted to post. I've written and
deleted it about a hundred times this year, for a couple reasons. For
one thing, I was raised not to whine, and no matter how I try to word
this, in my head, it sounds whiny. For another,
I KNOW that I got off easy on the whole cancer thing. To say now that
even though I'm healthy, I'm struggling, well, it just seems wrong.
Ungrateful, somehow. Because it could have been so, so much worse.
Because not everyone gets better.
<br />
<br />
And yet: I am struggling.<br />
<br />
For anyone who might not know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at
the end of August in 2010. The following month, I had surgery to remove
four tumors, and when my incisions healed I had 35 radiation
treatments. I didn't need chemotherapy and I was able
to keep working full time through the treatments, though at times it
was difficult. I finished radiation on December 23, 2010. That same
day, I started taking the hormone Tamoxifen, a course of treatment that
is often prescribed for five years following
breast cancer. If you can make it the full five years on Tamoxifen,
your chances of recurrence are greatly reduced.<br />
<br />
At first, Tamoxifen caused some mild stomach irriation and hot flashes,
but that went away and I got along pretty well. Every now and again,
the hot flashes would come back for a few weeks at a time, but they
weren't too bothersome. Last year, around the holidays,
they came back worse than ever, but mostly just at night, so my doctor
gave me a medication called gabapentin, to help with the flashes so I could sleep. It works well, but I have to get at least eight hours of
sleep or I feel loopy and hung over the next
day. So I don't take it every night. Around that same time, however, I
started noticing other things going on. For one thing, I suddenly
became much more emotional. Pretty much anything could make me cry.
Walker said I was crabby, so he started spending
more time away from home.
In February, when my beautiful friend Cheri lost her own battle with cancer, I
just kind of fell apart.
<br />
<br />
As days passed, then weeks, and I could not shake my blue mood, I
went back to my oncologist. I've heard from other Tamoxifen patients
that it can cause these types of emotional side effects, but my doctor
didn't think that was happening in my case. He
felt I had seasonal affective disorder brought on by our unusually
long, cold, dark winter. He recommened that I get a full spectrum lamp
and use it for thirty minutes a day. So I did. In fact, I got two, one
for my home and one for my desk at work. It
didn't seem to help much. He offered me antidepressants, but I refused
them. According to what we discussed, I am not clinically depressed.
And I have had family members experience suicidal thoughts when taking
antidepressants, so I am saving medication as an
absolute last resort. <br />
<br />
As winter dragged on, and on, and on, things deteriorated at home.
Walker was unbelieveably supportive through the cancer treatment, but
now.....I think he's just at a loss. He can't fix it, and it's looking
like nobody else can, either. So he avoids
it. If he sees tears, he leaves the room. If I get crabby, he leaves
the house. I don't blame him, but knowing he'll take off if I'm not
having a *good* day means that I hide my emotions from him. Over the summer, I'd
have a string of *good* days and think, yay, finally!
I'm over the worst of it, life will get back to normal now.....but then
pretty soon, the anxiety and moodiness would return. The only thing
that really seemed to help was exercise, lots of it, and outdoors as
much as possible. I logged a LOT of miles on
my bicycle. When the incredible heat of August blew in, I took to
riding my bike before dawn, holding a flashlight in one hand. I would
ride and ride, til the sun came up, and go home exhausted, sleeping
through the heat of the day. I went to another oncologist,
just to see if there would be a difference of opinion that would lead
to another treatment option, but I was told that at my age and stage of
life, even if it was determined that Tamoxifen is behind these issues,
there is no other drug I can try. Later, after
menopause, there are several others. By then, though, I will be
already finished with hormone therapy. I just have to try to stick it
out.
<br />
<br />
So here we are, almost to fall. The kids are back in school, the
pool is closed, and the nights have a chill in the air. Normally this
is my favorite season, but this year, frankly, I am terrified. The news
is reporting this this winter is expected to
be longer, colder, and snowier than last year, and I don't know how I
will get through it. One day at a time, I guess. One hour at a time,
if necessary. I hope Walker and I can find our way to spring, still
together, but my first priority has to be getting
healthy. Maybe, if I'm really, really lucky, all this crap will go
away as suddenly as it came, and I'll get my life back. Forty Pound Sackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16532270470379845645noreply@blogger.com11