Sparkety Spark Spark Spark

In my quest to feel like "me" again, I have been reevaluating my home, my habits, and myself.  Walker left a mess when he moved out, which I literally closed the door on, thinking I would get to it when winter rolled around and forced me indoors.  That never happened.  So, first order of business is cleaning up the debris left when an eleven year relationship ends.

However, that is not fun work and, quite frankly, I have had trouble staying motivated to do it.  So I promised myself a reward and gave myself til fall to finish the task.  The reward?  A week at the beach.  I love the beach, always have.  I have not dipped a toe in the ocean since just after I finished cancer treatment in 2010.  It's time.

But my habits and my health have been pretty low on the priority list lately, so I needed to attend to that, too.  What good is a fabulous beach vacation if I am too tired and too run down to enjoy it?  With that in mind, I dusted off my old SparkPeople account and got to work tracking my daily intake of food and water, as well as my exercise and how much sleep I am getting.  I know the trend is FitBit inspired these days, but I am familiar with SparkPeople, I enjoy the camaraderie of the other members' support, and it is TOTALLY FREE!!  More money in the bank for the beach!!  My little yoga girl at the top of my blog has been updated.  Sadly, she moved backward from her old spot but hey, she knows the way to the finish line.  All I have to do is push her there.  Wish me luck!!

Blossoms and Ice

It's not uncommon, in the Midwest, for this time of year to feel as if Mother Nature is possessed by some evil bipolar gremlin.  After spending a weekend outside in sunshine and 60 degree temps we often wake to a Monday morning snowfall of several inches.  This year, the worst of all demons has been at play:  ice.

My mother will be 80 this year, and spent most of 2016 recovering from knee replacements in both legs.  She has been cooped up more often than not by ice storm after ice storm.  The first one was sandwiched in between snow and rain, making the resulting ice field several inches thick, everywhere. There is just no good way to clear that.  Shovels simply don't work.  Salt works, if you use enough of it, but it takes time.  Days, in fact, when the ice is that thick.  And it is hard on animals and cars and concrete and lawns when the residue gets plowed up with the next snowfall.  So our town more or less shut down until an unexpected January thaw melted everything away.  Until it happened again.  And again. 

 You can't fuss about the weather when you live in the Midwest.  There just is no point.  But still, after all this mess, there is more than a little excitement to see the first green, followed very soon after by the first tiny splashes of color. They are early this year, but we are no less excited to see them.  Behold the reward for enduring another long, gray winter:

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

So how, exactly, does one climb out of a pit of grief?  Well, by leaning on those who love me, for one thing.  A few months after I lost my sweetheart, sick of feeling lost, I decided to reboot my brain. I thought the best way to do that was to go somewhere I had never been, with people I had never met, to do something I had never done. With that goal in mind, I flew to Pennsylvania to meet up with some online friends and participate in a mud run.  Yep.  Me.

 

 

While I throughly enjoyed my weekend out East, I knew it was just a first step.  Pretty much as soon as I got home I started thinking of another adventure.  And a few months later, I reconnected with two childhood best friends, girls I had not seen in thirty-two years.

It's a never ending battle, this grief stuff.  There was a time I thought it would never get better. But every day I find new reasons to smile, and every day I take time to think about the things in my life I am thankful for.  I don't know what the next chapters of my life will read, but I do know there is nowhere in the text that will say....she gave up......

And.....She's Back

Wow, almost three years......not intentional.  Shortly after that last post, a summer storm blew that nest out of the tree in my sister's front yard.  She found the nest and the babies and put them back in the tree, but the momma robin never returned.  I guess it's possible, the nest my sister found wasn't the same one.  Or maybe momma robin got hurt in that same storm.  Who knows.  Watching that nest and knowing the babies would die if momma didn't come back was pretty heartbreaking.  Shortly after that my life followed suit and blew apart, too.

Walker and I decided, after 11 years together, that we were better off going our separate ways.  Had we just done that and moved forward it might have been okay, but you know, life doesn't always fit together in a pretty package like that.  It took Walker eight months to find a new home.  Our "amicable split" became less so as the months dragged on.  Right around the time he found what would become his new home, I met a new man.  I can honestly say I have never "clicked" with anyone, ever, as immediately and completely as I did with this man.  Despite this, I told him straight up I couldn't date him until Walker had finished moving out.  So for the next two months, we got to know each other the new fashioned way, through text messaging.  And every so often, we would meet for ice cream.  It was the sweetest, slowest, not quite dating relationship I had ever had.  When Walker closed on his house and moved out, we were finally able to be a real couple.  And for four more months, things were just about perfect.  And then, on a cold, sunny Sunday morning, he died.

I have lost people I loved before, but I don't think I could have imagined anything quite and cruel and devastating as finally finding the person you believe you are meant to be with, only to lose them almost that fast.  I spent the next several weeks in a fog, barely sleeping, not eating, not even sure how I was able to function.  I know I scared my mom, and probably some of my other family and friends, too.  I lost so much weight my doctor ran a bunch of tests while I angrily insisted I was just fine, dammit.  The anger was the biggest surprise.  I never knew I was capable of so much anger.  I am lucky that in those dark days, I kept myself together enough to go to work, pay my bills, and keep myself out of any serious trouble.  To this day I'm not quite sure how I managed. 

And now, two years after that heartbreak......well, as the woman who should have been my mother in law always says, "My dear, we must accept what has been put on our plate and make the best of things."  A lot of grace from a woman who lost her only son, then her husband of over sixty years a few months later.  I am grateful for her presence in my life every day.  But still some days are harder than others.

Babies!!

My sister took this photo yesterday, after she saw Mama Robin shoot out for some food.  It's hard to tell from this photo, but there are at least two babies here.  There may be one more baby, or that egg that fell out of the nest may have been a dud and removed by Mama.  The last egg will likely hatch today, or not at all.  We're doing our best not to disturb Mama, so who knows when we'll find out.  I know when the babies get just a bit bigger, they'll all spend the days stretch up with hungry, open mouths, just like Big Brother here. Mama will spend a lot more time tracking down food for them, and we should be able to get a better look at the babies. Stay tuned......

Another Sign of Spring

Look what I found in my sister's tree:

The best part is, from the front window of my sister's house, you get a great view of the nest.  It's through a screen, of course, so not great for photos but we'll be able to watch the babies grow.  We're hoping all the eggs hatch, but we had some severe weather last week and the nest was knocked sideways.  One of the eggs fell out, and my sister had to put it back in.  She knew it wasn't out for long, but.....guess we'll see in a couple more days.

Welcome Spring

The first flash of color in my garden this year ~ 

Welcome, Spring!

Blah, Blah, Blah.....

So who here is sick of winter?  ME, TOO!!  I've lived in the Midwest most of my life, and typically, I don't mind winter.  There's a peacefulness that comes with a heavy snowfall, a comfort that comes from being snug indoors under my favorite blanket with a good book.  This year, things were different.  High winds, extreme cold, not much snow.  When temps get too low, the only way to ensure your car will start when you need it is to run it for twenty or thirty minutes every few hours.  All night long, all day long.  Dog sitting was another adventure.  It has been so cold, the dogs don't even want to go out to potty, and it's just plain dangerous to walk them.  So my little puppy niece, Lily, has been getting into the kind of mischief dogs get into when they get bored:  shredding socks, tearing around the house, pestering her big sister.....

Pouty Miss Lily ~  she hates being cooped up

We didn't get a lot of snow this year, but we did have a couple small storms that dropped a couple inches at a time last week.  Unfortunately, we also had an ice storm, and that one was first.  So our streets are a mess of thick ice, rutted and covered with snow.  Over the weekend, the sun stayed hidden but the temps rose enough that the mess finally started melting.  That's the good news.  The bad news is, with all the ruts in the ice, the melt wasn't moving.  So we got out shovels and choppers and started chipping out ditches to the storm sewers, trying to drain flooded streets.  We're expecting one more warm day, and I'm hoping most of this water will be gone, or it will refreeze into another patch of ice come Tuesday.

Walker and my sister, hard at work ~

'Bout Sums It Up ~

I'm Sorry, Yoga Girl ~

With the arrival of the new year, it's time to have a conversation with the little yoga girl at the top of my blog.  I let her down this year.  My original goal was to lose just about 40 pounds.  I crossed the halfway point months ago, though those last couple pounds were pretty stubborn.  Then I held steady through the summer and into fall.  I was okay with that.  Yeah, I would have liked to have done better but I was dealing with some other issues at the time, and I was glad to just maintain.

Then along came the kitchen remodel, with lots of stops and starts.  I had to pack up a lot of what was in the cupboards in August, but we still had use of the fridge and stove.  In October, when the workers could focus on my kitchen full time, we lost the stove.  I stocked up on Cheerios and fruit and frozen dinners (I moved the microwave into the dining room) but we also ended up going through a drive thru just about every day.  Sometimes, more than once. The treadmill and the Pilates machine are in the basement, and getting to them during the remodel meant maneuvering through workers, and materials, and tools, trying not to get in the way.  So I just didn't.  By the time the kitchen was finished it was the holidays and I had gained back nine pounds.  I didn't bake any Christmas cookies, but I did make some cashew brittle for Walker's mom, and some English toffee for Walker.  And of course, friends and neighbors dropped off lots of cookies and treats.

So here we are, on the first day of 2014, and my net for 2013 was a loss of about seven and a half pounds.  Sigh.  I tell myself that at least it's a loss, it could be a lot worse, but....damn.  I worked so hard, with so little to show for it.  But: the fight isn't over.  I have reset the little yoga girl, and this time, she's gonna slide across the finish line. 

Family Christmas ~

Santa brought me a wonderful gift, a couple days before Christmas. My sister and her boys zipped into town as a holiday surprise. My sister had to leave the day after Christmas, but they boys are staying until New Year's. I have my nephews, staying in my house, for a whole week.  They are growing up so fast, and I know they time they'll want to spend here is limited, so I cherish every moment.

The last time we had all the kids together was eight years ago. I bought them all new shirts and took them to Sears for a portrait.  The colors of their shirts indicate which kids are siblings.

Here they are now, in the same places.  My babies aren't babies anymore.  My sister took these photos, along with group photos of the siblings.  I loaded them onto a digital photo frame for my mom's Christmas gift.  I added some of my siblings and me when we were little, and some favorites from over the years.

Here's one from about 1971. I'm in the red dress. This one went on my mom's digital frame.

After our photo shoot, I served lasagna to everyone.  It was so much fun, I did it again Christmas morning, whipping up brunch with Walker's help.  Walker had to work Christmas night, so we decided brunch would work better than a dinner later in the day.  Since I'm not a morning person, I added a little motivation to my OJ - it's spiked with champagne. 

And now, to ensure my nephews stay with me the next time they're in town, I whipped up some chocolate croissants.  Okay, I baked frozen croissant dough I bought from QVC.  But they're so delicious, nobody cares that they aren't made from scratch.  

Bet You Thought It Would Never Happen ~

Ta-Dah!!! The kitchen is done. Really! Look - I'll show you! 

Oh, yeah!  A dishwasher that actually works!!!  There are two faucets at the sink:  a regular one, and a filtered one for drinking water that is not hooked up to the water softener.

This is Walker's coffee bar ~

Still looking for curtains, but that's it!  That's all I have left to do ~

I'd love a table & chairs in dark wood like the cabinets, but, these will do just fine ~

From My Home to Yours ~

I'm still here, and I have lots to tell y'all!  Not today, but soon, I promise.  Today I'll just wish a very Merry Christmas to each and every one of y'all.  I hope your holiday is filled with peace, joy, laughter, and love. 

Merry Christmas!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not Quite Done, But.....

Remodel Update

I keep thinking that in a couple more days, I’ll be able to post the final “after” shots of my remodeled kitchen.  I’ve been thinking that for a while now.  It ain’t happening.   There’s work being done, slowly.  The weather has caused some delays, because one of the things I’m having installed is new windows.  We had rain for just about a solid week.  Not only did the rain impede the new windows going in, it added to the drying time on the drywall mud.  There are delays off site, too.  The cabinets I picked out at the end of September, the ones that were supposed to take two weeks to come in, are still not here.  And they won’t be, until sometime next week.  Hopefully Monday, but that remains to be seen.  Back in August, we hired an electrician to put in new lights and start the rough-in for some new outlets.  He was paid for the work that was done at that time, and we told him we’d let him know when the old cabinets came out so he could finish his part.  Well, the cabinets are supposed to come out tomorrow, and I have contacted him and left messages, but haven’t heard back.  So the carpenters might end up waiting on him.  That remains to be seen as well.  Meanwhile, Walker and I are relying on frozen dinners, frozen breakfast, and in my case, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and yogurt.  I was buying fruit, thinking that was a good way to get something healthy that doesn’t need to be cooked and won’t make any dirty dishes.  Then, when the drywall dust started flying, I realized we’d have to wash the fruit in the bathroom sink, and, well, that just skeeves me out.  So I quit buying fruit.  We eat from paper plates with plastic utensils and drink from red Solo cups.  At first, one of us would start singing when the cups came out.  That got old a while ago.  And all that plastic going into the trash each day must have my extremely eco-friendly father rolling in his grave.  Well, he doesn’t actually have a grave, since we cremated him and scattered his ashes on a very windy day in a park that was technically not open to the public.  Hey, we left without complaint when the police showed up.  But I digress…..

So anyway, though there isn’t much change since the last batch of photos, here’s where we’re at with the kitchen remodel:

Before......

more before......

Guess I never took "before" photos of the breakfast nook, but here it is today.   New windows, new paint.  Those plants don't live there, but their home is currently filled with boxes of kitchen utensils and bake ware.

I painted around the corner of this wall, but ran out of paint so I stopped until the rest of the cabinets come out.

Hard to tell from this photo, but the new wall color is a soft plum shade.  Very pretty!

This is what I've been looking at for WEEKS now.  :(

The rest of the cabinets are supposed to come out today.  That means we lose the sink and this room is totally useless until it's finished from that point on.

Happy Halloween!

A Little Fall Color, for Jon ~

I can't bring autumn to west Texas, 

but I can share a little of our

Upper Mississippi Valley color.  Enjoy ~

Two of My Favorite Girls

Miss Diva and Miss Lily ~