A River View

Miss Diva and I went for a stroll along this lovely little river last weekend.  The water is high this year, with more current that we normally see.  Someone has been gardening on our side of the water.  You can see a bit of the hosta patch in the foreground.  This spot must not be popular with the local deer, as they generally seem to regard hosta as a salad bar planted just for their enjoyment.

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Turn, Turn, Turn.....

Just in time for the kids to head back to school tomorrow, the first touches of red appeared in my neighbor's maple tree.  I always loved back to school time as a kid.  So exciting!  And the fall colors here in the midwest are stunning.

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Afternoon in the Park

 

I took advantage of my new found free time to enjoy an afternoon at the park.  Walker, Diva, and I had a wonderful time checking out the sand sculpture contest, eating hot dogs, and taking advantage of the free golf and archery lessons.  Check out the local talent:

 

Turns out Diva has a real talent for shooting arrows.  She hit the target five out of six times, and pretty near the center, too. Who knew?  After the park we found a cafe with outdoor seating and enjoyed some cold sweet tea and quiet time with a river view.  All in all, a fabulous afternoon!

Diva takes aim

An Anniversary

One year ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Four months later I was declared cancer free.  In between I had good days and bad days, scary days, quiet days, fun days, and anxious days.  Mostly, it was about waiting:  waiting for test results, waiting for the next appointment, waiting for surgery, waiting for healing, waiting to see if the treatments worked. 

Sometimes I feel like I got away with something; like my fight was not hard enough.  I am well aware that some of the women I went through treatment with have not yet gotten the "all clear".  Some are still fighting.  Some have lost the fight.  I know I am one of the lucky ones.

The hardest part of the whole thing was telling  my mom.  She's a tough lady but nobody should have to hear their daughter announce her breast cancer.  I hope, someday soon, someone will find a way to prevent this damn disease.  In the meantime, those of us who survive it have a responsibility to appreciate and enjoy this gift we have been given.

Swinging Without a Net

A couple years ago, during a routine exam, my doctor discovered a large, benign tumor in my uterus.  What happened next is kind of a long story but the short version is,  I went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota to try a new treatment that was not available locally.  My insurance company gave their blessing but after the consultation and two surgical procedures that were supposed to shrink the tumor the insurance company decided not to pay.   I appealed several times but lost each round.  A year later, when it was determined that I was Mayo Clinic’s first failure with this treatment, I had surgery to remove the then melon sized tumor.  That surgery didn’t go too well, either, and my doctor had no choice but to perform a hysterectomy.  I was in the hospital longer than expected, and I went home with a catheter that required expensive follow up care.

 

Three years later, I’m still paying on those bills, and I’m only half way done.

 

When I found out Mayo had accepted me into their program, I found an online job that I could do part time to help defer the cost of my outpatient expenses.  I figured I’d keep the job for a few months after my surgeries to earn some extra cash so that when I was finally feeling better Walker and I could take a little get away.   I liked it because I could decide when, and how much, I wanted to work.  Of course, the more I work the more I earn.   I still have that job, and it’s more or less full time now. 

A while back  I took a couple days off from both my jobs to hang out with Miss Diva before she heads back to school.  It was wonderful to have full, long days to do whatever we wanted.  I realized that this time is just too short; pretty soon my little girl will be too grown to want to hang out with her old auntie.  The boys, too.  Already Cubby has stared to shun hugs.  I knew I had to find a way to scale back on my work hours before it was too late to enjoy these last years of childhood before I’m faced with a pack of moody teenagers.  Then, this week, I got the estimate from the roofer to fix the hail damage from the big storm we had this spring.  The estimate is way more than the insurance company gave me.  And I officially surrendered the battle. 

Twenty odd years ago, I started a savings account that  I called my safety net. I didn’t have much money but I put a little something in it, every single month, for fifteen years.  I have never made a withdrawal.  I have another savings account that I use to save up for specific “things”, like home improvements or unexpected expenses.  I have a third  that Walker and I use just for vacations.  But the safety net is different.  It was my “If I lose my job and can’t make the house payment” security blanket.  The emergency fund that all financial gurus insist you have.  The thing is, they never really tell you what constitutes an emergency.  Well, I’ll tell you: in my house, it’s realizing that you will be working two full time jobs for the next three or four years, at least, while your borrowed children grow up in another room.  It’s realizing that you haven’t been to a movie with your sweetie in over two years because you are both always working.  It’s trying to decide just how much more money to put into repairs for your twelve year old car.   It’s hoping your ancient furnace holds out, just a few more winters.   It’s opening an estimate from the roofer and feeling like you might, literally, be sick. 

 

I know to some people, our circumstances are far from a true emergency,.  We are not having trouble paying our bills; we've never even been late.  Of course, therein lies the problem: in meeting our financial obligations we are losing sight of what really matters:  each other.  That's why, this morning, I went online and requested a transfer from the safety net to my checking account.  It was a difficult decision but once I made it, I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders.  For me, for my family, it was the right thing to do.

Checking In.....

Not much new to report, but I wanted to give a shout-out anyway.  Happy Wednesday!  We are now halfway to the weekend.  Wahoo!  Walker and I are both working this weekend, but I'm antsy for it anyway.  The mood is very laid back in my office on weekends.  There will be just a couple of us there. 


Despite our extra shifts, Walker and I are planning an outing to a local festival this weekend.  It's nice to have something to look forward to.  Most of the events we're planning to attend are free admission, which makes it nice.  Guilt free socializing, and if we discover there isn't much to hold our interest at any particular venue, we don't feel the need to hang out to "get our money's worth".  It's all good.

I realized that I am just about at the half way point between my last doctor's appointment and my next one.  I've been pretty good at choking down the nasty fish oil capsules, but it is driving me crazy that there is no home test for triglycerides.  I can't check my progress at all.  I would even try one with a dodgy accuracy rate, just to see if I'm doing myself any good.  I'll be honest:  I have a feeling my next appointment will not go well.  I should be exercising more, and saying no to Walker's fabulous grilled rib eye.  Ah, well.  I'm not going to give up the fight.  Maybe I'll surprise myself.  I still have several weeks to go.

Winding Down

Today was the last day for the community swimming pool.  Despite cloudy skies and temps in the mid 70's, I set the alarm to get up early so I could take Diva for one last dip.  The water was surprisingly warm. Since the pool was mostly empty, the lifeguards opened up the diving board area for open swimming.  I remember that from when I was a kid.  It was pretty exciting stuff back then. Judging by the reaction of the kids today, it still is.

I can't believe summer is winding down.  What happened to all my plans, LOL?  You may have noticed the lack of activity on the little yoga girl at the top of my blog.  Not exactly sure what happened there. I was planning to lose about thirty pounds but I got to about eight and stalled out.  I do know that part of it was the little voice in my head, stressing that maybe something was wrong with me, maybe the cancer was back, this was too easy.  Yada yada yada.  I *know* I'm fine, and I *know* the weight loss is a good thing, a healthy goal, but I think I'm going to have to take baby steps so I can work through it.  The good news is, I haven't gained back what I lost after I stalled out so when I begin again, I'll be that much closer to my goal.

The kids head back to school in about a week.  I'd like to do some sort of end-of-summer thing but I don't think that will happen.  The nephews weren't here this weekend, and next weekend I have to work.  Walker has been working seven days a week, too. Bro's vehicle broke down last week so we're swapping cars these days.  I guess we're lucky that we all work different shifts.  Last week was a tough one;  this week will probably be more of the same. I guess you need these times, so you know when you've got it good.