In a Funk

It's been a long week. I've been in a funky blue mood for pretty much the whole time, and I can't seem to shake it. It started last Sunday when my mom called about a car she thought I might be interested in. I do need to think about replacing my car, but I was hoping to wait until next spring. This is supposed to be the year of fiscal reform in our house, after all. But Mom found a great deal on a great car. Walker is all for it. So the decision is up to me. Thanks, Walker. So much for teamwork. I told him, I feel like I'm in a canoe paddling down the river. If I make the wrong move - flip! - over I go. But in the meantime, Walker is standing on the shore, waving. He just does not worry about anything, especially money. It was just a year ago that I was told my job was going away (that didn't happen, but it was a tense couple of months). It was six months ago that I was diagnosed with cancer, facing another round of medical bills and months off from work. How can I not worry about money?

While I was pondering diving into the deep end of the debt pool, things at the office slid downhill. Policies and procedures are changing, we're short about half our staff, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The funk continued.

Next week I have my first follow up mammogram since completing treatment. I am not even going to pretend that I'm not losing sleep. I will be so very glad when it's behind me, and I finally get that elusive "all-clear".

Today, I was supposed to go to Squeak's soccer game, take the car in question for a test drive, then go out to lunch with Walker. When I got up, however, I found a nasty surprise: snow. Yep, snow, in April. Snow covering my tulips. Stupid snow. And it was still coming down. Sideways. You know, cause the snow wasn't enough so the weather gods added wind. Cold, damp wind. Soccer game? Canceled. Test drive? Canceled. Wanna guess what we did instead? Today was the day my brother and sister-in-law had designated to divide up their stuff and move my brother's things out of his old house. Yep, that's what we did.

There's not a lot I can say about it. It was tense. My heart broke watching the two of them divide the last twenty years into "His" and "Hers". I cannot imagine how they felt. The kids pretty much stayed out of sight. It was a difficult day, to say the least. I do not know what happens now.

When I got home I faced a long list of chores that still needed to be done. I don't have it in me. I did some dishes and started laundry, but I'm so dang tired and I still feel chilled from hours in the damp wind, loading and unloading boxes and furniture. I ate a package of PopTarts meant for the kids, and now, here I sit. I think I need to toss in the towel, go to bed, and start again tomorrow.