When I started this blog, one thing that I hoped to gain was a sense of balance in my life. I tend to take on too many commitments, underestimate the time it will take to complete tasks, and generally try to stuff fifty pounds of figurative crap into a forty pound sack.
The idea was simple: I would post my goals in a public forum, therefore making me accountable to someone besides myself as I work toward them. I also felt that by taking the time to explain myself I might be able to see where my thought process was breaking down and maybe figure out once and for all why I do this to myself when I know better. I mean, why do I constantly set myself up to fail? A friend once saw my weekend to-do list and commented that she didn’t know I had taken the week off. Um, yeah…….except the list was for two days. I did not come close to finishing the list. And yes, I actually thought I might, if I could stay focused and just keep working through each task.
Why is it when we see a friend or a family member juggling too many responsibilities we rush in, ready to help, offering to carry some of the load; but for ourselves, the standards are different? Even when half of me knows I will never be able to accomplish the 10 hours of work I have listed in the 4 hours I actually have available, the other half of me tries to squeeze in just one more thing. The result, of course, is disappointment and failure.
I need to turn this around but I’m not exactly sure how. I think this constant feeling that I’ll never get caught up is holding me back from trying new things. I mean, I can’t very well add more to my already bursting sack, right? So maybe it’s a safety net of sorts. There’s comfort in the routine, even when it doesn’t work.