It's less than a week until my fibroid surgery now. I can tick off the days on my fingers if I want to. I've been very self indulgent lately - sleeping in, eating whatever I want, ignoring, for the most part, my house and yard work. I'm nervous about this surgery, but at the same time, I'm anxious to get it over with, to get on with my life. I'm tired of looking pregnant. I'm sick of wearing maternity clothes. I want to be able to sit on a patio at a restaurant and enjoy a cold beer without getting dirty looks.
I wish I didn't care about dirty looks and other people's opinions but I do. I wonder what people see when they look at me. I got tired of answering people's questions so I just started keeping to myself. Think about it: there is no graceful way to tell someone who just asked about your due date that you aren't expecting. The minute the words are out of your mouth the other person is burning with embarrassment and heading for the nearest exit. This whole experience has been very isolating. I'm ready to join the world again.