LilySlim Weight loss tickers

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm supposed to be in bed.  I have to get up early to go get my new car.  I just got home from the office, though, and I know from experience that I need at least an hour to wind down or sleep just will not come.

It's 45* outside right now.  The boys brought in my plants from the patio:  a couple miniature citrus trees and a pretty good sized ficus tree that my neighbor gave me after his mom died.  He doesn't do well caring for plants, so I'm trying to give it a good home.  It's a beautiful tree and it loved my patio.  I hope the cold spell passes and the tree can enjoy a few more warm days outdoors.

The cool weather makes it less sad to trade in my convertible. I know I'll be missing it next spring, when the first warm days arrive and I can't take the top down and soak up some sun.  Ah, well.  Someday I'll get another one.

Something happened today that I'm having a hard time figuring out. I'm not sure I can articulate it, but I'm going to try.  I have had a goal of trying to lose some weight for a while now.  I keep getting sidetracked, which I think is 90% mental at this point.  Somewhere in my head I have the idea that weight loss equals illness, even though I *know* that is not necessarily the case.  So I decided to slow down my goals to five pounds at a time, with a break in between. Kind of ease my way into a new mindset.  I went for a walk today and while I was walking, I started to feel kind of lightheaded.  I started thinking I should turn around and go home when I realized I was holding my breath.  I let it out and talked myself through few breaths:  slowly, deep breath, let it out, slowly, good, now do it again....The woozy feeling went away and I realized I was now feeling fear.  I guess I held my breath the way some people do when when they try to prepare for something bad that they know is coming.  Like a shot at the doctor's office, or that big drop on the roller coaster at the theme park.  Only nothing bad was coming. At least, not that I can see.

About that time I realized that one year ago today I had surgery to remove four tumors in my breast.  I keep thinking I have moved past this whole cancer thing but then I have one of these moments and I realize that something is wonky in my subconscious.  The million dollar question - or maybe the five pound question, LOL - is what do I do about it?  I really want to get healthy but I keep getting in my own way.


  1. I believe everyone has unfounded fears from time to time and certainly it is understandable in cancer survivors. As the years go by, your anxiousness will subside.
    It is a good thing to lose a few pounds. I believe it will improve health in several ways.
    I have started walking again and have lost about two

  2. I was in an automobile accident a while back and I just can't get past it. It infiltrates everything I do. I finally had to go talk to someone. Hundreds of dollars later, the only advice I can offer you from that is this... you can control your reaction to what you're thinking and feeling and to what's happening around you. Once you do that it goes a long way to helping you get healthy. Good luck.

  3. Sometimes the fear of failure keeps us from trying something. I know it gets in my way of trying to stay healthy! The advice I've gotten is that I'm not always going to be perfect but that is ok because tomorrow is a new day. Try and figure out what is going to work for you and why you are trying to be healthy. And then use that reason as your mantra. Good luck!

  4. I'm not very good at this myself, but I guess the best way is to allow yourself to feel your emotions and deal with them that way. Try to find an outlet for them. Working out is often good for anxiety and fear.

    Have you tried any cognitive therapy? If you don't want to see a counselor, there are a few self help books on the subject, maybe that can help?

    I hope you are able to work through your feelings! You CAN do this! :) Don't give up!