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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Back in the Ring

Last night I went to bed early.  I haven't been sleeping well ~ trouble falling to sleep, bad dreams, waking up a lot.  So after Walker left for work at midnight, I went to bed.  I know for a lot of people midnight isn't early, but we work nights so for me, bedtime at four or five a.m. is my normal.

I woke this morning still tired, but I had a date with Diva.  She's a pretty great kid, always looking for ways to help out.  I have explained to her in kid terms what breast cancer means, and she's been on the lookout for ways to make my life easier.  With Walker working six or seven days a week, fourteen hours a day, and me on restrictions, things are sliding at home. Diva and I set out to remedy some of that.  I picked her up (I drove!) and we went grocery shopping.  Diva pushed the cart and we finished in good time.

Back home, Diva brought in the bags while I put everything away.  Then we headed to my neglected garden for our harvest.  We dug potatoes and peanuts, collected tomatoes and peppers, pulled some weeds, cut down the dead stuff....we did a good job.  Diva had to be home by noon, for visitation with her daddy.  We made our deadline, though I have to say, I hated having to take that kid home.  Spending time with her is one of the best things in my life. 

I didn't do that much this morning - Diva handled most of the physical labor - but I was exhausted.  To be honest, I think the stress of all this is wearing me down more than the physical part at this point.  Walker called to tell me that he was stuck at work for a couple more hours, so I decided to take a nap.  And boy did I sleep.  I didn't hear Walker come home, though I was sleeping in the living room.  When I finally woke it was after five. And I feel like a whole new person.  I've got my fight back.

I don't know what's going to happen in the next couple weeks, but then, who does?  You might think you have it all figured out but unless you have a crystal ball stashed away, you just can't. So I'm going to do what I have always done: take it one day, even one hour at a time.  Learn as much as I can about each phase of my treatments, whatever they end up being.  Appreciate the good days, spend time with my family and friends, and most of all, trust myself and my decisions.  I've gotten myself this far, and I'll get myself through cancer.

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