Hearing the words. "You have cancer" didn't hit me the way I think most people would expect. I didn't cry, I didn't get lost in a fog. When I looked over at Walker, his stunned expression broke my heart. Dr S offered a choice of having the biopsy right then or after the weekend. For myself, I requested an immediate biopsy. Walker went back across the hall while the procedure was done. I left with an ice pack in my bra and a handful of appointment cards.
Since the appointment had gone so late, Walker and I decided to swing through the Mc Donald's drive through on the way home. I didn't have much time before I had to leave for work. At home, I fed most of my cheeseburger to the dogs and the cat. I wasn't really hungry, and I had to get over to my mom's. I really wanted to tell her what was going on, so as soon as we finished eating I leashed Lily and off we went.
Diva answered the door at my mom's. I wasn't expecting her. I hugged her carefully with my right arm while hiding the bulging ice pack with my left. My mom was on the phone in her room. I sat, heart pounding, until I heard her hang up, then I asked Diva to take Lily outside so I could talk to my mom alone.
My mom used to be a nurse. She doesn't freak out in a crisis but I still dreaded telling her. In the end, I just jumped in: "I went to the doctor today. She says I have cancer." My mom looked at me for a minute, I'm sure noting the ice pack. She asked, "In your boobs?" "Yes." "Oh, crap!" And that was it, pretty much. I explained to her that the biopsy wasn't back yet, but that Dr S was certain of the results. She told me about a few friends of hers who are survivors. Ten minutes after I got there, Lily and I went home, just in time to head to the office.